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This is funny! My father looked at me weirdly when I was reading this, cause I was laughing like mad =)
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions:
open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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And this is another one
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You know you live in 2007 when...
1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn;t even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
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And finally for all the Harry Potter nutters out there...
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Things to Remember at Hogwarts:
I will stop referring to showering as “Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”
Polishing my wand is acceptable in the common room. “Polishing my wand” is not.
If a classmate falls asleep in the common room, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm
Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money making concept.
Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”
I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil or piranha.
I do not weigh the same as a duck.
Remus Lupin does not wear a flea collar.
I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be.
I will not impersonate the Emeril in Potions class
Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.
I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The force”
Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists
If asked in class in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It does DEATH!!!” may be correct but it is not the matter in which one should answer.
Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for an indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.
A time turner is not a time capacitator, and therefore I should not install one in any muggle cars.
I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors
If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer then 15 seconds I am to assume I am not allowed to use it.
I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order just to see what happens
I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts; A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball
I will not cast the occasional Obliviate charm on Dumbledore even if it would be amusing.
I will not lock Gryffindors and Slytheryns in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.
I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.
I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytheryn quidditch matches.
Bringing fortune cookies to Divination does not count as extra credit.
I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy.
I will not charm the suits of armor to sing “Knights of the Round Table” at the Christmas feast.
I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
I will not dress as Voldemort for Halloween
I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the headmasters office.
I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then students yell Ni from various directions.
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Another one!
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15 Things to do when your in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
