It is possible to walk along a pavement with less than 1/10 of the usual sight.
T/F?
True.
And I just proved it.
I did the very thing while walking home from the bus stop because I was feeling drowsy and didn't really want to open my eyes much.
Aren't I awesome?
Okay, ego.
Monday 20 April 2009
Saturday 18 April 2009
Comment Moderation
Hort Park: Not bad a place for a nature freak but a horrendous rendezvous point for anyone with loathing for the sun (or someone like Eddy Cull [I think that's what his name has become on the class blackboard]). Lacking creativity - e.g. the lawn is named 'HortLawn'.
Art: Hella fun.
Art Competitions: Totally sucky and utter waste of money and time.
Beautex: ?
----------------------------
Today wasn't bad but the fact that I had to wake up at freaking 06:45 kind of killed the mood. Of course, I started stirring an hour before that (blame my physical memory for remembering the time I usually wake up at to get to school), fell asleep again, woke up, decided I still had time, fell asleep, woke up, grumble about stupid 'wake up spells', fell asleep, hears mother yelling at us (my bro and I) to wake up, woke up, wanted to sleep in another 5 minutes, fell asleep, woke up exactly 5 minutes later.
Lol. That pretty much summarizes my waking up today.
My mum drove me to school and I got there really early, by, like, 07:20 or something. I spotted Kimberly getting off the piano and going off with Awa (introductions came a little later) to the Art Room. She was a little unsure of who I was, but then welcomed me with a broad smile (like always). We marched down to the Art Room (well, I kind of ran, but still) to grab Kimberly's stuff for the art competition we were heading to Hort Park for. Some kind of design-the-tissue-box competition. Grace walked in a little while later.
We ended up bringing with us a box full of art materials (that somehow was only shared among Kimberly, Grace, Awa and I) and some boards for drawing on. Registration took many, many minutes. We just stood around until it was our turn to flash out EZlink cards to confirm identification and pay S$5 for registration fee and then collect our drawing paper, a briefing sheet and a goodie bag. The goodie bag was awesome, but a little overflowing with tissue related contents. There was like 5 kinds of drinks, 2 maggie mee packets, 2 lollipops, 1 huge tissue box, 3 packets of tissue, 1 packet of mosquito repellant wipes, 1 packet of milo cereal and 2 mini packets of biscuits.
Briefing started long after we registered and found comfortable seats in the multi-purpose hall. While we were waiting, there was a short slide show of tissue products by Beautex. I noticed they really liked flowers. There was one design that caught my eye so I decided to imitate it to an extent. Briefing was really brief and we were let off soon. We didn't wander off far when we came across a really favourable spot. We initially wanted to sit at an area a little left to where we ended up but there were too many ants so we scrammed to the huge open concrete platform in the middle of freaking nowhere. Wonder what it was there for. Kimberly went to get the water and Awa went away doing something. I know Grace and I were the only ones not doing anything during preparation.
_BEWARE_BORINGNESS_
I couldn't think of anything really original to draw so I 'imitated' the design I saw before the briefing. Everybody was using pencil to sketch out their artworks but I just started with painting immediately. Since I wanted a straight edge, I was so smart (EGO!) to use the briefing sheet handed to us during registration and used it as a ruler as I painted the blue. So I kind of screwed it up, but so what? Anyway, I originally wanted to drip paint over the blue are (you know, like 'pop-up' strings of acrylic all over) but figured I couldn't without proper equipment and resorted to forming them with brushes of various thickness. They were all of strange colours. I mean, yellow and green?
When I was done with the stuff in the blue area I picked up some green and made some leaf shape thingums along the only line that got out of the blue (that was intentional). I then figured it looked a bit empty so I added 5 red dots spaced close together to form a flower (Beautex IS obviously obsessed with flowers, I mean, Hort Park?). A few more here and there and it looked better. I thought the blue area looked boring, so I picked up the brust I painted red with and drew a red line in the blue area. Then I inspected the whole image and still found it's composition ugly. I picked up my brust and painted 4 purple hibiscus of various sizes at the top right. I was pretty happy with it and then slacked off for the rest of the 45 minutes left of 2 hours.
_END_OF_BORINGNESS_
Grace's was turning out very nicely in a style I greatly admire. Awa's was...wow. If not for the fact that the deers became black at the end. I liked them better white. She'd probably have won something if not for the seemingly inappropriate air about it. I mean, it looked really emo and the theme was 'Life is Beautiful'. Kimberly's was good too, if not a bit hasty during painting (damn their short time limit). We turned them in with 10 minutes to spare then set about washing our stuff in the drain right beside the platform. I think we stained it sky blue and purple permanently.
It got really hot out there so we quickly gathered our stuff and trudged off under the shade (which many people were taking refuge under too). We just sat around and talked about Bleach and stuff. I read the Chinese book we were supposed to read for Chinese PT but I think I left it at the bus stop before I boarded the bus home (that happens at 13:45 or something, much later than the point I'm narrating).
Mrs. Lai found our hide-out at the edge of the empty koi pond (seriously, no water, no koi) and brought us over to the rest of the RGS people. So we sat around and talked more. When it was time to go in we did, bathing in the cool air-con. Kimberly and I couldn't find seats so we took to sitting most unRGS-like at the back of the room on the floor. We were both going on about how we wouldn't win. Kimberly and Grace seemed to have some sort of confidence in mine because it was 'very tissue box-like'. I had to admit it WAS very tissue box. I mean, it looked like the typical design except 100 times uglier.
That aside, prize presentation began and they started with Junior category and went on to Tweens (what the hell is that?) which Kimberly mistook for Teens until I told her. Teens consolation prizes started to be handed out and I was feeling really nervous. I mean, I was shortlisted, but so were at least 19 others. So I just sat there not doing anything. I had a feeling that consolation would have felt like a loss to me. The first consolation went to Grace, and we clap for her. I mean, hello, our school, our club-mate, our friend. Consolation prizes went on and at the 5th and final consolation prize, Victoria (Sec3 from SAP) got the prize.
So I didn't get into consolation. I thought mine would have at most merited that, so imagine the utter shock and numbness when I found out I got 3rd. Okay, third's really just the 2nd loser, but still, to win something above consolation? I was really close to consolation but I scraped past it. I think I would be in the consolations if Awa made it. What a close shave, not that I was really glad she couldn't because her painting technique is really, really good.
I took my place beside Victoria with a proud smile on my face, well, as proud as you can get when you are wary that there are many people staring at you. Then 2nd prize went to another RGS student, Sec1 SAP (yes, I know I suck, losing to Sec1, but hey, you can't blame me, it's probably only the fifth time I've picked up a paintbrush in RGS). Victoria said it'll be cool if first prize were also an RGS girl, so we held our breaths and YES! RGS too (Sec1 also, help me, I'm feeling a bit depressed). Okay, a bit elitist here, but yes, we were all glad that we dominated the Teen's category. Oh yeah, they handed us envelopes when we went up stage. We took a few group photos with prize winners of all categories. We were later told to collect our prizes. I was like, Isn't it the envelope? I mean, it does say 1st, 2nd, 3rd or consolation prize...
Then we opened them and found they were empty. The table clearly stated that all of us were supposed to have some resort stay voucher or something. So we came to the conclusion that it was all a hoax and scam and waited in a long long queue to get our stuff. While waiting we took a few RGS people photos, then got interviewed by some Beautex people. I think we badmouthed a bit too much about Mr. Wong.
The collection took so long we finally decided to leave before we collected it first hand and they said they would mail it to us.
*shrugs*
We then took the mini bus back to school. Kimberly was emo-ing something about not getting a prize and her parents killing her for both that and losing to her mortal (the one who got 2nd). So I locked my happiness away and emo-ed with her.
EMO.
Art: Hella fun.
Art Competitions: Totally sucky and utter waste of money and time.
Beautex: ?
----------------------------
Today wasn't bad but the fact that I had to wake up at freaking 06:45 kind of killed the mood. Of course, I started stirring an hour before that (blame my physical memory for remembering the time I usually wake up at to get to school), fell asleep again, woke up, decided I still had time, fell asleep, woke up, grumble about stupid 'wake up spells', fell asleep, hears mother yelling at us (my bro and I) to wake up, woke up, wanted to sleep in another 5 minutes, fell asleep, woke up exactly 5 minutes later.
Lol. That pretty much summarizes my waking up today.
My mum drove me to school and I got there really early, by, like, 07:20 or something. I spotted Kimberly getting off the piano and going off with Awa (introductions came a little later) to the Art Room. She was a little unsure of who I was, but then welcomed me with a broad smile (like always). We marched down to the Art Room (well, I kind of ran, but still) to grab Kimberly's stuff for the art competition we were heading to Hort Park for. Some kind of design-the-tissue-box competition. Grace walked in a little while later.
We ended up bringing with us a box full of art materials (that somehow was only shared among Kimberly, Grace, Awa and I) and some boards for drawing on. Registration took many, many minutes. We just stood around until it was our turn to flash out EZlink cards to confirm identification and pay S$5 for registration fee and then collect our drawing paper, a briefing sheet and a goodie bag. The goodie bag was awesome, but a little overflowing with tissue related contents. There was like 5 kinds of drinks, 2 maggie mee packets, 2 lollipops, 1 huge tissue box, 3 packets of tissue, 1 packet of mosquito repellant wipes, 1 packet of milo cereal and 2 mini packets of biscuits.
Briefing started long after we registered and found comfortable seats in the multi-purpose hall. While we were waiting, there was a short slide show of tissue products by Beautex. I noticed they really liked flowers. There was one design that caught my eye so I decided to imitate it to an extent. Briefing was really brief and we were let off soon. We didn't wander off far when we came across a really favourable spot. We initially wanted to sit at an area a little left to where we ended up but there were too many ants so we scrammed to the huge open concrete platform in the middle of freaking nowhere. Wonder what it was there for. Kimberly went to get the water and Awa went away doing something. I know Grace and I were the only ones not doing anything during preparation.
_BEWARE_BORINGNESS_
I couldn't think of anything really original to draw so I 'imitated' the design I saw before the briefing. Everybody was using pencil to sketch out their artworks but I just started with painting immediately. Since I wanted a straight edge, I was so smart (EGO!) to use the briefing sheet handed to us during registration and used it as a ruler as I painted the blue. So I kind of screwed it up, but so what? Anyway, I originally wanted to drip paint over the blue are (you know, like 'pop-up' strings of acrylic all over) but figured I couldn't without proper equipment and resorted to forming them with brushes of various thickness. They were all of strange colours. I mean, yellow and green?
When I was done with the stuff in the blue area I picked up some green and made some leaf shape thingums along the only line that got out of the blue (that was intentional). I then figured it looked a bit empty so I added 5 red dots spaced close together to form a flower (Beautex IS obviously obsessed with flowers, I mean, Hort Park?). A few more here and there and it looked better. I thought the blue area looked boring, so I picked up the brust I painted red with and drew a red line in the blue area. Then I inspected the whole image and still found it's composition ugly. I picked up my brust and painted 4 purple hibiscus of various sizes at the top right. I was pretty happy with it and then slacked off for the rest of the 45 minutes left of 2 hours.
_END_OF_BORINGNESS_
Grace's was turning out very nicely in a style I greatly admire. Awa's was...wow. If not for the fact that the deers became black at the end. I liked them better white. She'd probably have won something if not for the seemingly inappropriate air about it. I mean, it looked really emo and the theme was 'Life is Beautiful'. Kimberly's was good too, if not a bit hasty during painting (damn their short time limit). We turned them in with 10 minutes to spare then set about washing our stuff in the drain right beside the platform. I think we stained it sky blue and purple permanently.
It got really hot out there so we quickly gathered our stuff and trudged off under the shade (which many people were taking refuge under too). We just sat around and talked about Bleach and stuff. I read the Chinese book we were supposed to read for Chinese PT but I think I left it at the bus stop before I boarded the bus home (that happens at 13:45 or something, much later than the point I'm narrating).
Mrs. Lai found our hide-out at the edge of the empty koi pond (seriously, no water, no koi) and brought us over to the rest of the RGS people. So we sat around and talked more. When it was time to go in we did, bathing in the cool air-con. Kimberly and I couldn't find seats so we took to sitting most unRGS-like at the back of the room on the floor. We were both going on about how we wouldn't win. Kimberly and Grace seemed to have some sort of confidence in mine because it was 'very tissue box-like'. I had to admit it WAS very tissue box. I mean, it looked like the typical design except 100 times uglier.
That aside, prize presentation began and they started with Junior category and went on to Tweens (what the hell is that?) which Kimberly mistook for Teens until I told her. Teens consolation prizes started to be handed out and I was feeling really nervous. I mean, I was shortlisted, but so were at least 19 others. So I just sat there not doing anything. I had a feeling that consolation would have felt like a loss to me. The first consolation went to Grace, and we clap for her. I mean, hello, our school, our club-mate, our friend. Consolation prizes went on and at the 5th and final consolation prize, Victoria (Sec3 from SAP) got the prize.
So I didn't get into consolation. I thought mine would have at most merited that, so imagine the utter shock and numbness when I found out I got 3rd. Okay, third's really just the 2nd loser, but still, to win something above consolation? I was really close to consolation but I scraped past it. I think I would be in the consolations if Awa made it. What a close shave, not that I was really glad she couldn't because her painting technique is really, really good.
I took my place beside Victoria with a proud smile on my face, well, as proud as you can get when you are wary that there are many people staring at you. Then 2nd prize went to another RGS student, Sec1 SAP (yes, I know I suck, losing to Sec1, but hey, you can't blame me, it's probably only the fifth time I've picked up a paintbrush in RGS). Victoria said it'll be cool if first prize were also an RGS girl, so we held our breaths and YES! RGS too (Sec1 also, help me, I'm feeling a bit depressed). Okay, a bit elitist here, but yes, we were all glad that we dominated the Teen's category. Oh yeah, they handed us envelopes when we went up stage. We took a few group photos with prize winners of all categories. We were later told to collect our prizes. I was like, Isn't it the envelope? I mean, it does say 1st, 2nd, 3rd or consolation prize...
Then we opened them and found they were empty. The table clearly stated that all of us were supposed to have some resort stay voucher or something. So we came to the conclusion that it was all a hoax and scam and waited in a long long queue to get our stuff. While waiting we took a few RGS people photos, then got interviewed by some Beautex people. I think we badmouthed a bit too much about Mr. Wong.
The collection took so long we finally decided to leave before we collected it first hand and they said they would mail it to us.
*shrugs*
We then took the mini bus back to school. Kimberly was emo-ing something about not getting a prize and her parents killing her for both that and losing to her mortal (the one who got 2nd). So I locked my happiness away and emo-ed with her.
EMO.
Sunday 5 April 2009
Unceasing Tears - Tearful Anguish
I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything for him. Useless. I was useless. I couldn't even protest a little. I couldn't move. I had simply frozen to the spot while the very reason for my existence was being whipped by crooked hooks repeatedly on the back. My eyes threatened to snap shut, to block out the traumatizing image of the man of my life having his robes unjustly ripped to shreds, his back cruelly scarred streaks of red.
I wanted to scream, shout, tell him somehow I'm there for him when others demand his death, but my lips wouldn't move. They remained cracked and parched, tears that have ever touched them as rain long gone, depleted. The earth I was standing on suddenly felt so inviting, it was suddenly so tempting to simply give in to lethargy and heartache and crumble into a heap to rest on the uneven ground regardless of the hygiene of the act.
Eyes exhausted, I stumbled blindly as they dragged him crudely off the post. Every step I took toward him only served to increase our distance, every unheard cry muffled through the crowd. I saw him take one last look at me then turn his head away in shame, unwilling for me to see him in that vulnerable a state. It wasn't something fit for someone his stature.
My heart ached with longing and the knowledge that this may very well be the last time I would ever lay eyes upon him ever again. A hoarse whisper escaped my lips. I wanted so badly to reach out to him, to cradle his head and tell him everything is okay, to hush his gasps of pain with my words, to forever be in his loving embrace. I wanted so badly I pushed the crowd apart, denying my body the rest it longed for after the forlorn verdict had been passed.
Deformed as he may be now, still a magnificent young man he will forever remain in my mind, a smile so gallant it could melt the hardest hearts of even man, a love so sacrificial it could grant forgiveness to those who did nothing to protect him their king. A word from his mouth could sooth even the most troubled of minds, a touch from his hands enough to send one off into the most sedated state of calm. Those very hands picked up a long wooden pike and he painstakingly lifted it.
What had I done for him to earn his love? Nothing. Yet he gave it freely and willingly. What had I done for him to make him love me as he did? Nothing. Yet he loved me all the same, understanding my silent wishes even I wasn't conscious of. What had I done for him to make him die in my place? Nothing. Yet he walked along the path of hatred and endured jealous spites to relieve me of the taking the same route.
He slowly inched his way to his death, hauling behind him a wooden stake almost twice his height. I could almost hear his torn and aching body crying for help, but no one offered any, only hateful spits. I let out a strangled outcry and leapt forward with my arms stretched out in front of me ready to receive him into my embrace. Just a little more, please. Give me a second, a fraction of it, that is all I require. I have yet to say something. I have yet to tell him my deepest longings. I have yet to express to him what he was to me. I pray for just this second, please grant it to me.
My fingers brushed his sweat glazed skin and I wasted no time to grasp it tight. My king and my lord, how did you end up like this? Your royal birth has decided your death. What have you done to deserve this? Your smile could light my days for years to come, your kindness overflows abundant into the lives of many and bringing them out of poverty, yet why have you been condemned to such a death fit for a criminal? What is it that makes you take the rap?
I pulled myself to him and brought up a hand to push his load up slightly and relieve his burden, and for that he repaid me with a smile more dazzling than the sun even in the state he was in, battered and all. My eyes once more found tears to spare and let them all out. I sobbed silently into his broad shoulder, whispering the words I have longed to say the moment I met him and his eyes, mine. Shaking my head at my own procrastination, I finally relieved myself, "My lord, I love you. I love you so much. Why? Why'd you have to go?"
"Because I love you too. Because I have to. Because my kingdom needs it. Because I am king," he stated so simply and with so much conviction that it left no place for doubt, smiling genuinely for all he was worth even in the predicament I had placed him in. I was so lost for words I couldn't do anything but try to further lighten his load intuitively when my mind left its stumped state. As I moved to carry it with him, I was roughly pushed back by a roman senator who growled, "Out of his way, missy. No acquaintance of him is to come close." and spat in my face.
But I hadn't time to pay attention to his words. All I could see was him, he was the only one in the world. No matter how many times his people betray him, no matter how many times I have turned away, he still came back with a determined pride and welcomed us in with open arms. No matter how many times his people despise him, no matter how many times I have ignored him, he still returned with a gentle smile to indicate he loved us despite.
How could one man be so loving? So selfless? So flawless?
"I'm not an acquaintance! I love him!" I yelled to the soldier. He dismissed me disinterestedly with a well toned arm. I tried desperately to push against it and rejoin him but the arm wouldn't budge even a centimeter.
I shouted a final request, "My king! Don't forget me! Don't forget me! I love you so, so please don't forget me!"
All he responded me with was another simple smile, innocent and full of holy passion. I did not know whether to rejoice or to cry.
The current of the crowd steered me to a low hill overgrown with grass and weeds. They flipped him over with the weight still on his back, pulled him up, stripped his garments off him and threw him back down. I stifled a yelp. Why? Why was the world so cruel to judge this man guilty of something even the most blinded of persons could tell was right and just? Why was the world so prejudice to the ways of this one king? Why was the world so blind to his righteous intentions?
Mourning had never wrenched my heart as it did now. I watched with lungs constricted and eyes fearful as he lay down tensely. I could see the apprehension in his eyes of being pierced but he remained down with all his strength. His life course and destiny had been laid out for him and he was to follow it. He was to follow it to death.
A rusted nail dug into his wrist and his blood curdling cry pierced the tension filled air. My head turned away instinctively and my eyes squeezed shut. How could I bear to stand and look on as a spectator when he was there bleeding? How could I bear to remain as I was and watch him fight the urge to thrash due to the pain? How could I bear to be still and see him arch his back in agony and his breathing turn to raspy gasps?
It took all I had to return my gaze to him. I felt the trickle of a tear race down my cheek as the second nail punctured his other wrist. Who was I that he needed to suffer such humiliation and pain for me? Who was I that he needed to throw all his pride as a king for me? My heart twisted as a third nail was driven through the arch of his feet. He may be a king, he may be of royal linage, but his body was still human and human flesh could experience physical pain. His mind has already had enough distress throughout his years as an adult, yet why must his physical body be inflicted by pain too? Why?
My knees gradually gave in. If I could just be by his side to comfort him and ease his pain, if I could just be there to mop the sweat off his tangled hair, I would be, but my legs did not seem to agree. Perhaps they had learnt their lesson from the roman soldier, perhaps they were just weak from exhaustion, but the fact remained that they would not move. I cried out for him amidst the crowd roaring their approval of his death. My sisters beside me sang a different tune, a symphony orchestrated by their pained sobs and agonized weepings.
It was time. They levered the stake till it stood upright on the ground and he was breathing raggedly while hanging off it. The only piece of clothing left was a linen cloth wrapped limply around his waist, and perhaps that thorny bracket on his crown. His eyes screwed shut to refrain himself from groaning at the sudden stress on his limbs, his lips grimacing in silent prayer.
This was it. I may never get to see him alive again.
With all I had, I let go of a name. His name.
"JESUS!"
------------------------------------
I was given feedback to cut it off here, so I am. I'm keeping the part after this still for more closure. I'm ending at "JESUS!" for more impact, so says Kimberly.
------------------------------------
A man came up from behind me and scowled before knocking me unconscious. My blurry vision met his eyes again, this time barely open in a squint. He shouted something to the sky and a clap of thunder fell, followed by a heavy torrent of pelting rain. With what was left of my ability to observe, I read aloud the sign hung above his head right at the apex of the cross.
"The King of the Jews"
I smiled into darkness.
------------------------------------
CRUCIFIXION OF CHRIST
------------------------------------
Lol. Bet you guys thought I was writing some mushy romance story.
It's not very accurate, there's quite a number of other things that happened, but I was trying to narrate dramatically from a woman's point of view. 'He' refers to Jesus, Kings of the Jews, King of the World, God etc. 'Sisters' refer to sisters in Christ, any daughter who believes and trusts in him.
Don't you think this was a pretty good attempt?
What is a senator exactly? Oh wait, it's a member of some high coucil. Crap. I used it wrongly. I thought a senator was some kind of soldier. Oh well, who cares.
This was wholly inspired by today's church service where Sister Gwen preached about the meaning of the symbol of the cross. She showed us this video with short clips taken out of Passion of Christ (or something). It wasn't as if it was voluntary but I cried anyway. I don't know why, probably I love him so much I can't bear to see him in that much pain and agony.
I mean, they literally whipped him until his back bled, pressed a crown of thorns on his head, made him carry his own cross on his broken back to his 'deathbed' and then impaled nails in his hands/wrists (depends on which you believe in, personally, I'll take wrists) and feet and then brought the cross perpendicular to the ground and left him there to die.
What had he done to deserve all that? All he did was try to save the people, heal them, preach about the coming of his kingdom and perform miracles. All he did was with the intention of giving them a chance at a better life, yet look what they did to him!
He was king, yet treated like a common criminal.
He was God, yet treated like a begger.
He was the creator, yet they proclaimed death upon him.
He created them, yet they killed him.
Now I ask you again, what had he done to deserve all that humiliation and pain? All that suffering and torture of knowing he was to die on the cross for everyone's sins?
Then I started asking myself.
Did I deserve such a great sacrifice for my sins? I mean, he was son of God, for goodness sake! He was God himself too! Why had he to go through so much pain for me and for this world which had forsaken him?
...you probably won't understand until you truly cry simply because of the pain he had went through, until you cry from the bottom of your heart when you hear his outcry of agony and it hurts you so much to know it was for you that he went through it all.
That I did.
I'm becoming such a softie...
But hey, if it's for God, I'll cry even in school in front of everyone for him. =D
I wanted to scream, shout, tell him somehow I'm there for him when others demand his death, but my lips wouldn't move. They remained cracked and parched, tears that have ever touched them as rain long gone, depleted. The earth I was standing on suddenly felt so inviting, it was suddenly so tempting to simply give in to lethargy and heartache and crumble into a heap to rest on the uneven ground regardless of the hygiene of the act.
Eyes exhausted, I stumbled blindly as they dragged him crudely off the post. Every step I took toward him only served to increase our distance, every unheard cry muffled through the crowd. I saw him take one last look at me then turn his head away in shame, unwilling for me to see him in that vulnerable a state. It wasn't something fit for someone his stature.
My heart ached with longing and the knowledge that this may very well be the last time I would ever lay eyes upon him ever again. A hoarse whisper escaped my lips. I wanted so badly to reach out to him, to cradle his head and tell him everything is okay, to hush his gasps of pain with my words, to forever be in his loving embrace. I wanted so badly I pushed the crowd apart, denying my body the rest it longed for after the forlorn verdict had been passed.
Deformed as he may be now, still a magnificent young man he will forever remain in my mind, a smile so gallant it could melt the hardest hearts of even man, a love so sacrificial it could grant forgiveness to those who did nothing to protect him their king. A word from his mouth could sooth even the most troubled of minds, a touch from his hands enough to send one off into the most sedated state of calm. Those very hands picked up a long wooden pike and he painstakingly lifted it.
What had I done for him to earn his love? Nothing. Yet he gave it freely and willingly. What had I done for him to make him love me as he did? Nothing. Yet he loved me all the same, understanding my silent wishes even I wasn't conscious of. What had I done for him to make him die in my place? Nothing. Yet he walked along the path of hatred and endured jealous spites to relieve me of the taking the same route.
He slowly inched his way to his death, hauling behind him a wooden stake almost twice his height. I could almost hear his torn and aching body crying for help, but no one offered any, only hateful spits. I let out a strangled outcry and leapt forward with my arms stretched out in front of me ready to receive him into my embrace. Just a little more, please. Give me a second, a fraction of it, that is all I require. I have yet to say something. I have yet to tell him my deepest longings. I have yet to express to him what he was to me. I pray for just this second, please grant it to me.
My fingers brushed his sweat glazed skin and I wasted no time to grasp it tight. My king and my lord, how did you end up like this? Your royal birth has decided your death. What have you done to deserve this? Your smile could light my days for years to come, your kindness overflows abundant into the lives of many and bringing them out of poverty, yet why have you been condemned to such a death fit for a criminal? What is it that makes you take the rap?
I pulled myself to him and brought up a hand to push his load up slightly and relieve his burden, and for that he repaid me with a smile more dazzling than the sun even in the state he was in, battered and all. My eyes once more found tears to spare and let them all out. I sobbed silently into his broad shoulder, whispering the words I have longed to say the moment I met him and his eyes, mine. Shaking my head at my own procrastination, I finally relieved myself, "My lord, I love you. I love you so much. Why? Why'd you have to go?"
"Because I love you too. Because I have to. Because my kingdom needs it. Because I am king," he stated so simply and with so much conviction that it left no place for doubt, smiling genuinely for all he was worth even in the predicament I had placed him in. I was so lost for words I couldn't do anything but try to further lighten his load intuitively when my mind left its stumped state. As I moved to carry it with him, I was roughly pushed back by a roman senator who growled, "Out of his way, missy. No acquaintance of him is to come close." and spat in my face.
But I hadn't time to pay attention to his words. All I could see was him, he was the only one in the world. No matter how many times his people betray him, no matter how many times I have turned away, he still came back with a determined pride and welcomed us in with open arms. No matter how many times his people despise him, no matter how many times I have ignored him, he still returned with a gentle smile to indicate he loved us despite.
How could one man be so loving? So selfless? So flawless?
"I'm not an acquaintance! I love him!" I yelled to the soldier. He dismissed me disinterestedly with a well toned arm. I tried desperately to push against it and rejoin him but the arm wouldn't budge even a centimeter.
I shouted a final request, "My king! Don't forget me! Don't forget me! I love you so, so please don't forget me!"
All he responded me with was another simple smile, innocent and full of holy passion. I did not know whether to rejoice or to cry.
The current of the crowd steered me to a low hill overgrown with grass and weeds. They flipped him over with the weight still on his back, pulled him up, stripped his garments off him and threw him back down. I stifled a yelp. Why? Why was the world so cruel to judge this man guilty of something even the most blinded of persons could tell was right and just? Why was the world so prejudice to the ways of this one king? Why was the world so blind to his righteous intentions?
Mourning had never wrenched my heart as it did now. I watched with lungs constricted and eyes fearful as he lay down tensely. I could see the apprehension in his eyes of being pierced but he remained down with all his strength. His life course and destiny had been laid out for him and he was to follow it. He was to follow it to death.
A rusted nail dug into his wrist and his blood curdling cry pierced the tension filled air. My head turned away instinctively and my eyes squeezed shut. How could I bear to stand and look on as a spectator when he was there bleeding? How could I bear to remain as I was and watch him fight the urge to thrash due to the pain? How could I bear to be still and see him arch his back in agony and his breathing turn to raspy gasps?
It took all I had to return my gaze to him. I felt the trickle of a tear race down my cheek as the second nail punctured his other wrist. Who was I that he needed to suffer such humiliation and pain for me? Who was I that he needed to throw all his pride as a king for me? My heart twisted as a third nail was driven through the arch of his feet. He may be a king, he may be of royal linage, but his body was still human and human flesh could experience physical pain. His mind has already had enough distress throughout his years as an adult, yet why must his physical body be inflicted by pain too? Why?
My knees gradually gave in. If I could just be by his side to comfort him and ease his pain, if I could just be there to mop the sweat off his tangled hair, I would be, but my legs did not seem to agree. Perhaps they had learnt their lesson from the roman soldier, perhaps they were just weak from exhaustion, but the fact remained that they would not move. I cried out for him amidst the crowd roaring their approval of his death. My sisters beside me sang a different tune, a symphony orchestrated by their pained sobs and agonized weepings.
It was time. They levered the stake till it stood upright on the ground and he was breathing raggedly while hanging off it. The only piece of clothing left was a linen cloth wrapped limply around his waist, and perhaps that thorny bracket on his crown. His eyes screwed shut to refrain himself from groaning at the sudden stress on his limbs, his lips grimacing in silent prayer.
This was it. I may never get to see him alive again.
With all I had, I let go of a name. His name.
"JESUS!"
------------------------------------
I was given feedback to cut it off here, so I am. I'm keeping the part after this still for more closure. I'm ending at "JESUS!" for more impact, so says Kimberly.
------------------------------------
A man came up from behind me and scowled before knocking me unconscious. My blurry vision met his eyes again, this time barely open in a squint. He shouted something to the sky and a clap of thunder fell, followed by a heavy torrent of pelting rain. With what was left of my ability to observe, I read aloud the sign hung above his head right at the apex of the cross.
"The King of the Jews"
I smiled into darkness.
------------------------------------
CRUCIFIXION OF CHRIST
------------------------------------
Lol. Bet you guys thought I was writing some mushy romance story.
It's not very accurate, there's quite a number of other things that happened, but I was trying to narrate dramatically from a woman's point of view. 'He' refers to Jesus, Kings of the Jews, King of the World, God etc. 'Sisters' refer to sisters in Christ, any daughter who believes and trusts in him.
Don't you think this was a pretty good attempt?
What is a senator exactly? Oh wait, it's a member of some high coucil. Crap. I used it wrongly. I thought a senator was some kind of soldier. Oh well, who cares.
This was wholly inspired by today's church service where Sister Gwen preached about the meaning of the symbol of the cross. She showed us this video with short clips taken out of Passion of Christ (or something). It wasn't as if it was voluntary but I cried anyway. I don't know why, probably I love him so much I can't bear to see him in that much pain and agony.
I mean, they literally whipped him until his back bled, pressed a crown of thorns on his head, made him carry his own cross on his broken back to his 'deathbed' and then impaled nails in his hands/wrists (depends on which you believe in, personally, I'll take wrists) and feet and then brought the cross perpendicular to the ground and left him there to die.
What had he done to deserve all that? All he did was try to save the people, heal them, preach about the coming of his kingdom and perform miracles. All he did was with the intention of giving them a chance at a better life, yet look what they did to him!
He was king, yet treated like a common criminal.
He was God, yet treated like a begger.
He was the creator, yet they proclaimed death upon him.
He created them, yet they killed him.
Now I ask you again, what had he done to deserve all that humiliation and pain? All that suffering and torture of knowing he was to die on the cross for everyone's sins?
Then I started asking myself.
Did I deserve such a great sacrifice for my sins? I mean, he was son of God, for goodness sake! He was God himself too! Why had he to go through so much pain for me and for this world which had forsaken him?
...you probably won't understand until you truly cry simply because of the pain he had went through, until you cry from the bottom of your heart when you hear his outcry of agony and it hurts you so much to know it was for you that he went through it all.
That I did.
I'm becoming such a softie...
But hey, if it's for God, I'll cry even in school in front of everyone for him. =D
Saturday 4 April 2009
Braided Pencils
...Chinese is so going to die.
Anyway, I just went online to onemanga.com and guess what I saw? There's a series continuing Prince of Tennis! Isn't that awesome? Well, for me, yes, but I think not for everyone else...that aside, it's just as cool as it was before! The drawings are great, the plot...not much I can gather yet from just 2 chapters, but I think it'll be good.
Ballet is starting again today. I hope I don't get any more trachea constrictions like that time during PE on Thursday. I thought I could die. No, actually, I didn't. It was not that bad, I could still breathe but it was more like wheezing, not a very good experience, really.
That very day I witnessed first hand the 'wheelchair friendly' SBS bus in action. It was really boring, actually. The only modification was that the level of the bus was low and that there were pull out trap door like flaps that unfolded into a ramp to ease the wheelchairs out of the bus. The old man (who didn't look Chinese at all...) took so long to get out of the bus (he hobbled, really) the bus behind the one I was in beeped its horn.
Lol.
There's nothing much else to say except that I got forced to 死读 my Chinese because I epic failed it. Gee, and my internet connection wasn't blocked by my dad, so I realized. The network cable was just unplugged...ugh. I've been a moron for a while...
Let's end with a few words.
Have you ever wondered
If the sky was a whole new world?
If the sparkles of the stars
Was a life to unfold?
Have you ever wondered
If another village stood up there?
If another darkness of the alleys
Was a life fading bare?
Have you ever wondered
If vampires and werewolves exist?
If mermaids of the foam
Was a life turned to mist?
Have you ever wondered
If there was a fixed path to follow?
If there was a choice of ways
Was it your intention not to go?
Anyway, I just went online to onemanga.com and guess what I saw? There's a series continuing Prince of Tennis! Isn't that awesome? Well, for me, yes, but I think not for everyone else...that aside, it's just as cool as it was before! The drawings are great, the plot...not much I can gather yet from just 2 chapters, but I think it'll be good.
Ballet is starting again today. I hope I don't get any more trachea constrictions like that time during PE on Thursday. I thought I could die. No, actually, I didn't. It was not that bad, I could still breathe but it was more like wheezing, not a very good experience, really.
That very day I witnessed first hand the 'wheelchair friendly' SBS bus in action. It was really boring, actually. The only modification was that the level of the bus was low and that there were pull out trap door like flaps that unfolded into a ramp to ease the wheelchairs out of the bus. The old man (who didn't look Chinese at all...) took so long to get out of the bus (he hobbled, really) the bus behind the one I was in beeped its horn.
Lol.
There's nothing much else to say except that I got forced to 死读 my Chinese because I epic failed it. Gee, and my internet connection wasn't blocked by my dad, so I realized. The network cable was just unplugged...ugh. I've been a moron for a while...
Let's end with a few words.
Have you ever wondered
If the sky was a whole new world?
If the sparkles of the stars
Was a life to unfold?
Have you ever wondered
If another village stood up there?
If another darkness of the alleys
Was a life fading bare?
Have you ever wondered
If vampires and werewolves exist?
If mermaids of the foam
Was a life turned to mist?
Have you ever wondered
If there was a fixed path to follow?
If there was a choice of ways
Was it your intention not to go?
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